One of my last posts maybe, maybe not

But I was just thinking...
Sure, me and my boyfriend. We don't get along much.
Because I am so stubborn. But I love him so goddamn much. I don't know how I could possibly let him go.

I'm the type of girl who will admit to the fact that I am not friendly when I feel tension in the air. I will be cold. Otherwise, I'm happy go lucky and friendly in a childish, bubbly way. Most people think it's annoying however. So I'm either sweet or sour, depending on my mood.

And who I am is a person to never ever let go of anyone that I hold dear and I treasure above all in my heart. You aren't an object to me, you're a gift. Something that should be treated with respect, first and foremost, and something that should be known for its worth and treasured because of it. People who don't treasure you are just straight up dissing you, lest you forget.

So just know when I respect you, when I treat you like you matter because you do. So much. Without your heart beating, I would feel incomplete or broken. I need you alive, I need you breathing. I need you to realize that I've never really asked much for a person other than for them to simply exist. If you just existed, that would give me great relief. Oh damn... I'm a misery seeker sure.

And that's why nobody likes me, except for my cats and my boyfriend. And apparently, according to laymen, I'm a psycho because of my past. But hey, they are so right. I am a psycho. A good one, I'd gather. One that can't ever let go of the people that I hold near and dear to my wretched yet recovering heart. I don't want to be wicked anymore, and I just want there to be peace and serenity amongst us. Because me and my partner...?

We have a lot in common. In fact, I don't know anyone else alive who has more in common with me. The thing is, he doesn't like the Disney corporation and guess what? He's so convincing that he kind of made me dislike it too. A person that changes who you are is something that I can only admire and look up to. He changed me, whether he knows it or not and I am utterly grateful. And just so y'all know, I'm trying so hard to change myself.

I don't want to be the sad, drama queen that gets her way every time she fucking cries like a spoiled brat anymore. But I'm glad I have an insightful person in my life to let me know of all the things that I'm oblivious to and blinded by, so that I can change and become better.

That's all I really ever want to be.

Sex... and my unwarranted opinions on it

I lost my virginity at 18. This is what comes to mind when I think about sex. Babies. That's it. Offspring. Just the natural reaction to having successful sex. That's all that my mind can process. Why? Oh not much... I'm not dry anymore, like I used to be. Being dry made me have sex casually, which I personally think is somewhat shameful and dirty and something that nobody should be proud of.

You don't want to go around claiming you need sex because you haven't had it in a while. It sounds slutty, to tell you the truth and I know from personal experience. I was a self-proclaimed slut when I got out of the hospital. I entered the hospital with a boyfriend (shitty boyfriend didn't even visit me at the hospital to see the goddamn stitches on my forehead, hah) and left the hospital without one, so, I needed some physical action.

Not from anybody that I cared about of course, so that casual sex flings continued until I came across the one guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with forever.

Anyways, what I was getting at is that for my body type and physique and tightness or whatthefuckever, sex fucking hurts. I hate it. Maybe I'm abnormal, but sex doesn't appeal to me like it does for the rest of the world. It fucking hurts. It's like a hammer being thrust into you until you've lost all capability to breathe. It just makes me sore and have to pee constantly. I fucking hate it. Okay, now I'm done. Wow... After all this time, I thought I could handle sex. Six years later, and I still don't like it. But I do enjoy kissing. Just not rough, get inside of me, but gently please, or I'll want to fucking kill myself if you go in too hard. I hate it. I only like it when it's emotional, and our bond and connection is strengthening. Otherwise, I fucking hate sex.

Call me asexual, call me a hater of sex, but I do enjoy watching pornography. It's lovely looking at other people's naked bodies working in harmony to create the perfect orgasms. Or whatever it is they're trying to achieve. It's like a work of art. Beautiful sounds of moaning, grunting is odd though, but I like it when they moan. When they talk however, that kind of turns me off. It's not a conversation you guys (Sasha Grey) it's just sex.

Just fuck for Pete's sake. And then, it will be a masterpiece. I'm just saying, maybe I'm a prude or something but the foul, nasty shit that people say while fucking, like "pee on me," or "lemme swallow it all," grosses me out. Just be happy with each other and intertwine in sex and you'll be alright and you'll be classy. Don't ask for weird shit to happen, unless of course, those are your odd fantasies. Well, that's it guys. Those are my opinions on sex. If you disagree, that's alright. I'm pretty sure the vast majority of the world's population would disagree. Most people need sex. Hell, that's why we've got sex offenders in this downtrodden world.