Alright then. My name is Elle or L, it doesn't matter. Before I got into the accident that changed my life and gave me all of these evident marks and shit, (hello thyroidectomy scar) I was already sensitive and then I come out of the hospital during my 2 day surgery on this stupid brain of mine that never actually works and I pause for a moment, wondering how dreadful the experience was. Of course, I was put to sleep during the procedure, but look at me now!
Horrifying! I got even more sensitive for some reason. People would look down on me because of my disfigured eyes. Well, at least... That's what I thought at the time. Horrible thoughts of what other people thought of me spawned from my paranoia because before, I actually thought I was capable of being cute. I had blazing hot red hair, and I tried to be a hipster or a scene kid that was popular, but most of my life, I got bullied and never was popular. Went nowhere with trying to gain friends by the dozen and keep 'em too.
Thing is, an odd person like me? Who can relate, so I was uncool and not that many people befriended me. In fact, most of them I drifted away from or they abandoned me. I abandoned them is my definition of "drifting away" from them, so essentially I'm a bad friend. Didn't give any Christmas presents or birthday gifts because I am a bad friend and broke, so, it just goes to show. Besides, I don't even like people. They end up being a waste of time, and they add stress to my life with all their wrongdoings and treating me like I'm inferior.
Hello dear, I may be human and I know that I mean little to nothing but I still exist and would gladly appreciate your acknowledgment. Yeah, bullies are a no go for me. I know that I have been a bully too. It sucks, but I only verbally attack when I have been verbally attacked. It's kind of stupid, kind of childish but whatever. I have to defend myself because I refuse to be a pushover. So I don't condone the cruel acts of bullies, but I have been known to be a total jerk. Forgive me for saying so. Anyways, let's discuss my accident and my recovery in the hospital. Great and shit! I'm alive and all, but my face is just messed up to the core!
No wonder boxers and people who fist fight cover their heads a lot. To prevent any permanent damage but that's just what I got. Damage to my skull and to my eyes. Disgusting, in my opinion and you have your own too and if you agree with me, well, how dare you but it's true. I look like a mutant with my eyes and I am grateful for still being alive and not a vegetable so thanks docs over in... Oh, fuck! I forgot where the hospital was at?
Hmm, probably Davis. Maybe Davis. I was asleep, unconscious for 2 months and then they moved me to Vallejo, where I would recover for a month. Still couldn't walk though. Dude, car accidents are bad because I had to get neurosurgery and this shit is something I cannot recollect but a bizarre discovery came upon me. I somehow got uglier because my features weren't as aligned as before. And now, you could obviously see it.
One eye is larger than the other now. At first, I was a little insecure and shit due to the fact that I'm Asian and have chinky eyes and shit. (I swear, shit is a fun cuss word and it won't leave my mouth!) But then again, I realized something. I've noticed that white people and other ethnicities and shit have chinky eyes too! Got them Mexicans with slanted eyes, got Taylor Swift, when she's grinning with lines for eyes and I must admit, every one of them all looked good. I was just racist to my own race. I didn't mean any offense whatsoever by the way. I am an Orient so I do have slanted eyes, so of course I didn't mean it as an insult.
The oriental Asians, (other Asians have beady eyes though and they are quite neat) but then again, even with their eyes, they are still undoubtedly charming as heck. But anyways, back to the topic at hand, didn't I mention I was sensitive?
Now all I want to do is die because I got into an accident that made me uglier. Sounds selfish because it is. I am only thinking of myself in this predicament. I looked at my reflection for too long and it hurt me internally. I wanted to smash the windows but I was too weak to do so, didn't want to clean my mess up so instead I cried to myself. Shit like this tears emotional people like me up. You probably wouldn't know, because you aren't selfish like me.
Now all I want and need to know is everything in the world and how on earth did I get this thyroid scar? From what!? The accident? Look. I don't understand. People get cosmetic surgery and I got neurosurgery and they fucked up my eye! Why!? Just so they can make me come back for plastic surgery to fix my goddamn skull structure. Hmm. I need to make an appointment with my doctor. It's been almost 5 years since my accident and I still don't have full clarity. This is weighing heavy on my chest.
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