So, I get irritated a lot. And I think that it's about time I fucking tell people that the way that they function is not the typical way they assume everybody functions.
Because it sure as hell ain't the way that I function. Now I'm just saying... Because before, in the past now see, I would just keep my anger hidden, hiding within me, while people fucking bossed me around and patronized me, acting like I was a little baby. And no, like fuck no.
You can only do that if you're older than me, in which case I must respect you because you have seen more days than I have therefore you have to be wiser. Otherwise...
It is not okay. It is a form of ridicule. How scornful people can get when others (such as me for instance) don't follow their goddamn methods of, of... Fuck. It's ineffable and I'm just too busy letting out all of my anger and my contempt for those types of people.
Those types of people, I have zero respect for. Absolutely nada, and ya know why? They are too egotistic and pompous to be around. And you know why else? Because it's time for me to grow the fuck up and not let anyone bring me down. Sure, I've been weak. Sure, I've been suicidal for fucking days on end, but there's got to be a purpose for this life. Or maybe it's just a leisurely activity until it's game over and I'm a goner, but that's just the way it goes. I'm not scared of death, nah not that.
What I am scared of is pain. Cruel, chronic, catastrophic pain that never seems to go away until someone is merciful enough to doctor you or end it all with a mercy kill. I fucking despise pain and when I see what seems to be a poor innocent soul, or hell, even a suspect dying of losing so much blood, it pains me too. I'm not saying I'm a good person, I'm just saying, there's enough brutality in the world as it is. I don't want to see it anymore. It kills me inside. And you know what else kills me too?
The thought that just because somebody committed suicide, nobody has the decency or the compassion to actually remember that person while they no longer exist? It was like they lived their lives in vain. And that's all they're ever gonna be known for. Not something remarkable like what Einstein did or Tesla for that matter. Those people are worth something. It's a shame that a persons worth diminishes into nothing when they no longer exist. Is it because once we're gone, we're gone for good? For all eternity? Hmm, well maybe.
Maybe we're all just ordinary.
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