Judgmental nonsense

People will look at me and people will judge.

But they don't know that judging me is hurting my heart. It's making me feel weak, it's draining me of my life. It's giving me aches and pain, and nobody deserves pain.

No matter how cruel and brutal they can be. Sure, at times, impulsively, they deserve that pain, but deserve is a strong word. And so impulsive. Especially if they just killed your mother while you witnessed it. You must fight and take vengeance upon your mother with brute force. Or any kind of violence with the vitality that you have. But then again, what if the killer accidentally murdered your mother? Do they deserve your unkind gesture towards them, for your need to show your undying love for your mother? You'd kill for your mother sure, but what is it good for? Just forgive and forget. Karma will bite them in the ass instead, and you, my friend, don't need to be their karma. It was a mistake... And that's what's happening now. Karma is biting me in the ass.

It already bit me in the ass when I got into a car accident that nearly took my life, rearranged my face and made me look somewhat deformed. Yup, that's karma talking for ya. And now it's biting me in the ass again.

Because of one simple, petty thing. Judgments.

I fucking hate judgments. I barely judge and when I do, I tend to lean towards the positive judgments. I think trees are pretty, flowers too, rocks even. I think Steve Buscemi is somehow attractive, because honestly, who cares what a person looks like? If it's beauty you're after, you must be quite shallow. And no, no, no, don't call me shallow.

You know that hurts, but I just called you shallow so whatever. Call me whatever you please. I've just been raised by shallow people who talk only of shallow, petty things that it's influenced me in a way. They told me I was ugly and would never get a man. Well, who's with a person now that time has passed and that you're all alone, sulking and probably still talking shit about people because you're shallow as fuck. God, I'm so mean.

Somebody should shoot me dead as punishment, but seriously. You can't say anything like that without the person remembering it for life. Even a person with amnesia or TBI as I self-proclaim to have remembers that shit.

People say that I judge and I do. I do judge.
I'm so sorry, I'm only human. Don't we all judge?
But I have never called another female or male ugly unless I knew of how much of a disturbance they are.
Only disturbances and unsightly disarrangments are considered ugly to me. And if they're human, so be it.
And that's why I judge. And that's why I'm evil. And that's why I suck. And that's why somebody should take my life because I haven't the courage to do so myself.