Things I desire

Food, first and foremost.

Next thing I desire after that, a healthy mindset, and not being mentally ill. Forgive me, I don't know how to better put it.

As you can tell, I am slightly unstable and out of control at times, but I know when I'm going too far so I supress myself before I go overboard. Don't want to go attacking everybody with an illegal switchblade, trying to desperately collect small amounts of blood through a nasty, gruesome tactic. Yeah, um, no way.

So if that could get fixed, that would be one of the greatest things to happen to me.

I also want to be able to defend myself. Like I know that I get seizures, especially if my head is lower than my torso somehow, that makes me dizzy and is initiative of an upcoming seizure, so I avoid those positions.

I just hope that my mentor or whoever teaches me, knows of my silly condition and we can work against it. Making sure I don't get a seizure while I'm karate chopping somebodys ass to bits. But... If not. Oh well. I'll just kick box some people, keeping my head up always. Head down is my main vulnerability. There ya go.

I just gave you the secret to beating my ass. Just get me down and make sure I stay down, with my head rolled back if you're into seizure-watching, you sick freak..! Or, you could just not want to fight me at all man. It's not cool, at all, man. I am trying so hard to be a pacifist. Only fighting when it's instigated. Because damn, yeah, I'm a hypocrite. But I don't know. I can't decide. Do I want to forgive and forget? Or hate and resent and give them back what they truly deserve. Or what I truly deserve, and if that means getting a seizure. Ah, well, it's my fault anyways, for even beginning this odd connection of hatred.

Look. You can view me as the bad guy or the good guy. Or the guy in between... I've always wanted to be good but it's hard to do so when all you get is pain and hurt from this world we live in.

Sometimes we want the easy way out and that's being the bad guy, ya know... It hurts others but it makes us happy. And that's disgusting and beautiful simultaneously. But it's also goddamn selfish too. You're not the only human being in the world, in case you forgot, because you're hurting others. Say your friend created a sculpture of a majestic seahorse and then you have the audacity to tell your group of buddies that you made it, when not one second of your sweat and toil was put into it. Do you realize how upset your friend would be? How betrayed?

Give the poor guy credit. "Thanks Cooper, it's all because of you," you said. Hopefully gratefully. You know, something like that. You've got to thank a hypothetical Cooper dude for creating a beautifully sculpted sea horse for you that's the color of turquoise blue, with light yellow freckles. It's beautiful. It's color spectrum is quite nice. He took the time out of the day to make it, for you. An ingrate, who took the credit for yourself, while poor Connor oops I meant Cooper (hahaha, wow I'm dumb. Remember when I called my boyfriend Michael? Instead of Matt. Wow. I suck at names) is just standing there, stunned and disappointed. He made it for you!

So tell the rest of your buddies, Cooper made it, not you. That you were stupidly joking around because you're an asshole. I know, it might hurt you to insult yourself, but the rest of the people will grow respect for you.

For your ability to admit to a personal crime you committed against Connor, Cooper, whatever the fuck his name is, haha, wow, I'm sorry. Forgive me for my vulgar usage of words, but anyways. That's how you get real respect, if you do something honorable and noble. You should be respected for it.

That's also what I want by the way. Respect. So it goes, food, beating people up or self-defense actually! (Yikes, I don't want to beat people up because that would imply that I have a hidden aggressive nature about me!) Good mental health, if that makes sense. And I can't think of anything else. Ah yes! I just thought of something. I want to write... Above average writing. Not mediocre, shitty writing, like I do now. I also like to eat food.. Haha already mentioned food. That's good, sorry, I was just mentioning it again because I just thought of McDonald's and now I'm tasting McDonald's chicken nuggets in my imaginative mouth and they taste refreshingly sweet and scrumptious. Mm. Sorry, I sound like a glutton.

But I just love, love, love, love, LOVE food. I love food.