Emotions aren't made of steel. They're made of fuck if I know.. But I don't get myself... I really don't. I fucking hate myself because I am such a mystery to me.
How do I function? Sure, I have been catatonic in the past. Couldn't even shower, couldn't even eat, could barely even breathe, but now I don't get anything.
Life is meaningless. I wish it would all just end. Because I am just dragging my loved ones across with me, trying to survive on such little amount of money. I just..... I just... I just don't know anymore. I never knew to begin with.
I just wish I was good enough. Mature enough. Strong enough. Smart enough. But instead, all I do is give up. And I hate it all. I hate everything today. I hate the pattern that I'm seeing too. Wow... Someone kill me.
I'm too weak to do it myself. But don't make it violent, just make it peaceful and quick. That would be ideal.
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